When your world explodes, you are faced with choices you never expected. To hit what feels like rock bottom, to lose foundation in life, is a surreal experience.
You can choose to shut down and run away. Let anger consume you. Allow despair to drown you. Grieve for all that’s lost. You will probably feel and maybe do these things; and that’s normal, you’re human! But you can choose to have these feelings coexist with your strength. To accept these thoughts as just intrusive neighbors passing through. Granted, these are neighbors you don’t want, but they are there nonetheless. What will you do with their entrance? Push them away and hope they don’t come back? Or accept that they exist and simply observe them? Oftentimes when we push away, guard against or flat out stick them in a box, those thoughts come back. Why? They are energy that expect to be seen.
We don’t have to be strong all the time. In fact, it’s not possible. We can put on a facade or play a character, but it’s inevitable for something inside to crave emotional relief. If your world explodes you can choose to let it be dead, or embrace that it’s the birth of a star instead. Transitions are terrifying and there’s no playbook you can follow that leads you out. However, transitions are a time of freedom, if you are open to it, even if you feel absolutely alone. We cannot control everything that happens to us, but we have a measure of control to how we see it. Of course, this does not negate the uncomfortable feelings that arise during stressful situations. We can practice observing our thoughts, letting them pass and accepting them. If thoughts turn to feelings let’s honor them, not hide them. I have found that I feel the most confident in any situation when I am emotionally open, to let things be as they are. Our thoughts are not our identity, this took me time to understand.
I have endured an incredible turmoil, but it has allowed me to be grateful for the clarity that I received once I paused and took the space to think about how I think. When your world explodes, you can make space to ponder on how it got there and learn from it. Or, you can take away the opportunity for space and let the pain fester. Naturally, we may oscillate between both as we grow, I have. Challenging our learned behaviors brings discomfort. This does not mean you are ‘failing,’ it simply means you are taking action. It’s impossible to see this when our emotions are at its peak, if we are spiraling down or pumped with anger, but once your central nervous system is a bit more at ease, you will have the chance to pause. Reflect. Introspect. Observe.
Choosing to witness the birth of your own star is painful but freeing. Congratulations, you have reached your next phase! You can be whoever you want to be, if you allow it.
Remember to have grace with yourself.