Beyond Belief: “Do Not Worry About Death, You Will See Them Again”
Have you ever been told that, or a version of that? Many religions and cults teach that death is not the end, and although this is seemingly innocent statement since it’s a belief, it’s also a false way to lessen the pain and provide hope. Even if you do believe in an afterlife of some kind, this notion is dangerous. Although some religions do not directly say this, it can be heavily implied. Here are reasons why relying purely on hope and not addressing your pain is dangerous:
- It does not lessen the pain, but rather will amplify it.
- It can stop or interrupt the natural grieving process of losing someone.
- It can exacerbate existing illnesses, physical, emotional and mental.
- Your spirituality can become threatened by building resentment, either subconsciously or consciously.
Without grieving, a host of issues can happen within yourself. The psyche goes through major changes and if the idea that there’s no need to grieve comes into play, your whole system will start learning maladaptive coping techniques, just like any other trauma. Your existence is now, take care of yourself now. If you do reach an afterlife, my assumption is: your loved ones will understand and be proud of you.
The cycles of grieving are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sometimes if we do not allow ourselves to grief properly, we get stuck in or a couple of these, it’s not linear. Even reaching acceptance is not a guarantee you won’t go back to another part of the cycle unless there’s intentional effort over time. Time itself will not ease the pain, it’s the moving parts within us over time that will help us reconcile the loss.
My suggestion is to receive grief counseling, grief coaching, speak out to a trusted friend about your pain and find appropriate resources. My favorite book on grief is posted below.* A few grief exercises that I recommend are: 1. Journaling about your pain, unfiltered during the day for less than an hour. 2. Write a letter to your loved one that has passed discussing anything unresolved as well as happy memories. 3. If you are having a hard time starting to grieve, right down pros and cons of not grieving. 4. Work through anger by writing down “I feel” statements. 5. Write a letter to yourself discussing self-forgiveness.
First of all, let yourself be in grief, no matter the discomfort, it won’t last at the same intensity forever. This is the start of your grief healing journey. As always, be kind to yourself.
