Becoming A Spark: Why Self Coaching Will Be the New Revolution

Paisley Bird
3 min readJan 28, 2024

It’s true that most of us want to better ourselves, but when the thought of actually doing it comes up, we cop out.

I should eat better. I will next week.

I should go to bed. Let me finish this movie.

I should be more understanding. Why should I? They don’t understand me.

And then we stop. The discomfort paralyzes us. We procrastinate. Hello anxiety.

It’s no joke that becoming a better human is hard work. And it’s even harder if you feel you don’t see a return on your investment immediately or do it the harder way. Yes, we can make it harder on ourselves than necessary which fulfills our reason of not needing to do it.

One way is by setting unrealistic goals.

It’s the new year! I’m going to lose forty pounds by next month!

Do you see the issue with that? Not to say someone can’t lose weight that fast, (although it doesn’t seem healthy to do so) for the average person it’s going to take longer than a month to lose that kind of weight.

Another way is by not taking true accountability.

I hired a great coach and now I’m going to be successful.

Don’t mean to burst your bubble, but your coach is not making decisions for you.

I’ve read all these positive self help books.

That’s great! Do you know how to implement what you learn? Is all the advice you’ve learned in alignment with your values?

I’m not sure. I don’t really know my values.

This leads me to the purpose of this article, we can learn to self coach ourselves by following these simple steps that help us to understand ourselves. Once we have that framework, we have the tools and capacity in order to better ourselves, in any way we see fit. It doesn’t matter where you came from, where you are now, or where you think you are going. All you need is an open & curious mind that’s dedicated to self empowerment.

A few tips to get you started:

  • Talk to yourself like a friend.
  • Ask yourself lots of questions, especially the uncomfortable ones.
  • Feelings should cycle through, they are only visitors.
  1. Identity. What are your values?
  2. Core beliefs. What are they to you?
  3. Blocks and Fears. What is holding you back?
  4. Social Stamina. What kind of friends do you have?
  5. Boundaries. Do you know and enforce your boundaries?
  6. Mindfulness. Do you take the time to stay present daily?
  7. Gratitude. What can you appreciate today?
  8. Fun. Did you have fun today?
  9. Confidence. Where is your confidence at?
  10. Grief. How can I see grief with hope?
  11. SMART Goals. Am I keeping up with them?
  12. Self Acceptance. Am I practicing self acceptance daily?

These are time intensive questions to answer that will evolve. These are also questions to think about often. We all work differently, but what we tell ourselves our brain believes. It’s good practice to do these exercises with a positive mindset. Sure, there will be things you don’t like about yourself, ensure that you still care for the dark parts of yourself. It’s also important to pace ourselves and not overwhelm our minds and bodies. Experiencing life helps with understanding yourself. So journal and then go to a museum!

So why do all this? Why care?

Your reality is now, whether you believe in the afterlife or not. And even if there is, wouldn’t you want to leave a beautiful footprint behind? Knowing that you lived your life according to your heart, not to anyone else, and inspiring others to do the same?

If you consistently embrace the positive aspects of your life, self-coaching will become second nature. Cultivate the patience to introspect and understand the motivations behind your thoughts, emotions, and actions. Develop an awareness that certain aspects of your life may no longer serve you, empowering you to seek positive change. Approach criticism as an opportunity for personal growth, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it. View significant challenges as redirection or chances for personal development. Consider minor inconveniences as opportunities to pause and reflect. By doing your practice, you’ll be equipped with the necessary tools to lead a more fulfilling life.

This is the power of self coaching!



Paisley Bird

Insight Coach that lives in the form of an Intuitive Empath, HSP, and Visual Storyteller.